#shiftingtimber

In a bid to shift some timber I have decided to partake in some fitness classes.

After making the all important decision to take up fitness classes and shift the extra beef, I had to find a class that suited me.

The criteria for said class was as follows;

- No Latin music based exercise, I have no intention of showing the rest of the world that I am unable to coordinate body movements to music, The phrase 'dance like nobody is watching' was probably aimed at people like me who enjoy throwing dinosaur shapes. I do enjoy dancing, but if some incredibly coordinated person is shouting directions in which to wiggle my arse whilst they have instructed my top half to do something else I tend to waddle it in the other direction whilst flinging my arms as though I am drowning.

- No swimming, my arse has it's own buoyancy, as it floats the rest of me sinks. Frankly it's embarrassing to watch.

- No high intensity cardio, the last time I tried cardio my thighs turned into burning lumps of death and to this day I still get flash backs of a random sweaty faced guy making jonny bravo faces through the window of the sports hall.

Armed with my list I looked through my choice of classes.. BODY ATTACK - No chance BODY COMBAT - Really?? HIIT - I give up

Then right at the end of the list I come across two classes that don't sound like torture methods, their names are Mind and body and legs bums and tums, I'm feeling great about myself, I've booked exercise classes for tomorrow, I'm making a positive change in my life. What can possibly go wrong?

KILL ME NOW.

Yesterday was the day of my classes and as I was walking home from work today I passed a friendly old lady talking in my direction, don't get me wrong I smiled politely and nodded at her but all I could think was 'shut up old lady my vagina hurts'.